Now You're Me....

Imagine spending the past week stressing over whether or not the DVD for the Chuck Documentary is gonna be ready in time for our 12 noon Thursday flight to Portland, OR, while wishing you could take a hot shower but you have a staffer on AIM who needs the shipping rates for over-sees countries so he can program the page that will offer said DVDs for sale so you can leave for Portland and know that the page will be up and running while you're away so every time you mention said DVD while in Portland and, being without internet connection, know that said fan can now hop onto THEIR computer and order said DVD with a fresh order page now up and running and waiting for them.

Now you're me.

Imagine calling yourself names in the mirror every day. Imagine checking out yourself in almost every shop window when you go shopping, just making sure that you don't look fat. Imagine being jealous of your friends, their skinnier bodies and happy families. Imagine...

Imagine all you can listen to is Nothing Compares To You by Sinead O Connor. You're thinking about someone you haven't seen since late June, and won't see until mid September, and you can't do anything about it, nothing. Despite their absence, you think about them all the time, and feel like you can relate to this song, but really, you can't, because there was never a 'you and I'... if you get me. Now you're me, anyway.

Imagine you're listening to Everything I do by Bryan Adams, and feeling incredibly sorry for yourself; one, for listening to sappy ballads and two because you're listening to a Bryan Adams record. You're then so scared about your math exam results, which you're recieving by phone-your mother, on the other side of the Atlantic- If you fail, you'll be subject to at least two years humiliation. Now you're me.

Imagine the people which were your security and smile have gone from your life.

imagine that you are having some weird spasm behind your knee and that you feel good cause your socks are off and your hat is off too so your head feels kind of funny and you are scared of spiders and ronald mcdonald but don't care cause tomorrow you get to blow shit up and possibly scare little kids and your hands are getting sweaty on the keyboard and you don't know what you're saying anymore but you keep going cause you like they way the words look as you type...

SO YOU USE ELIPSES BUT KEEP GOING AND YOUR BUDDY KEEPS ENCOURAGING YOU TO DO STUFF AND YOU SAY OKAY CAUSE YOU LIKE YOUR BUDDY WITH IMMENSE BUDDY POWERS!!! and now you're me.

imagine you've decided not to go to mcdonalds and instead grocery store, and now you're me.

imagine sitting at the computer while your older brother is playing ssx tricky for playstation 2 and sucking so bad at it you hear him say, "WHAT THE FU..!?" "SON OF A BITCH!!" "THATS GREAT TURN AROUND ASSHOLE!" and "GODDAMMIT!"

about every five minutes.

now you're me.

imagine listening to a song where they say "i want to kill everyone, satan is good, satan is our pal" and the gray outside becoming thunder, and being slightly sweaty from mowing the lawn and smelling some gooood smells from the kitchen up here and thinking, DID I JUST PUT THAT PLASTIC BB THAT WAS COVERED IN GREASE INTO MY MOUTH? now you are me. enjoy it while it lasts!!

imagine thinking yes mirkah left her sunglasses at my house and that YOU GET TO PRANCE AROUND IN THEM ALL SEXY LIKE WITH A BOX ON YOUR HEAD! now you're me

Imagine you're sitting on your couch in your living room with a laptop on your lap, trying to get used to using that little ball between the G, H, and B keys instead of a mouse. And the heat from the computer is making your lap hot. Now you're me.

Imagine you've read nearly every single post in this thread, but you can't think of anything entertaining nor clever enough to post. Now you're me.

Imagine you haven't been awake and at home at the same time for more than a few hours for two weeks because you work are the time and are seriously considering putting a mattress in the storage room to eliminate the commute. Now you're me.

Image sitting in the office of Super Camp, because you are being sent home for arguing with authority figures, and you have made a name for yourself, so campers keep running up to you and hugging you. Now you're me. At least I get to use the computer.

Imagine going to the movie theater, having your girlfriend approched by a guy who had sex with her, yet she can't remember his name, then him realising she's with me, then him punching me in the face.

Now imagine just now making up a story just because you felt like it, now your me.

imagine you wake up at 2pm, drinking countless pepsis and eating twix for breakfast, wishing you could go out but being broke, watching your friends and family go out and living their lives as you sit watching i love the 80s and road rules, wishing for anybody you know to call you and save you from this hell, and no matter what you cant think one single positive thought. now youre me.

imagine youve just finished work and ready to get the fuck out of there and just as youre about to pull out of the parking lot the ditzy girl from work jumps into the passenger seat and decides to wait for her ride in your car. you get pissed and yell but she still refuses to leave, fixing her hair in your rearview mirro, asking stupid questions, pawing all over you. you contemplate ripping her out of the car, but eventually she goes. and you get home, glad that you've still got it. now you're me.

naaaw, it actually kind of sucks lately.

imagine youll tell of another conversation you had today, one with a "slow" guy named anthony.

anthony:"look cam! my pants are almost as blue as yours!"

me:"yeah...umm, look at that."

anthony:"i only get blue jeans now ccause i dont like the black ones anymore cause theyre all scrunchy and not very comfortable, but the blue ones like yours and mine are really great."

me:"most definately, no doubt."

anthony:"oh man, you'll never guess what happened to me last night. i was gonna shave, you know? cause i didnt want to do it tonight, and i wanted to get it over with cause ive got this really super sensitive skin and it gets really really itchy if i wait to shave so i thought id do it then and so i got out the shaving cream and i got the right amount, and you know what happened?"

me:"i dont know."

anthony:"guess"

me:"uh, you shaved?"

anthony: (laughing hysterically) NOOOO!!!

me:"then im stumped pal."

anthony:"the can wouldnt stop, and i think i jammed it or something but it just wouldnt stop coming out so i ran out of shaving cream and i have to go buy more after work. you wanna come to the store with me?"

me:"sorry, i cant today anthony, really busy."

anthony:"oh thats cool then. but before she dumped me my girlfriend used to want me to shave a lot, but now i dont have to worry about it so much. cause she left me for another guy you know? she was screwing around on me you know?"

me:"really? wow. did you hit her?"

anthony:"no i just yelled at her and i pushed her like that" (acts out something, i still dont know what it was)

me:"oh man, next time just totally smack her around (im going to hell) and maybe choke her a little."

anthony:"oh yeah i did, i hit her really hard."

me:"okay, ive got to go do some work now, and you should too because-"

anthony:"HEY, you wanna see terminator with me?!"

me:"no icant because that movie really scares me."

anthony:"YEAH I KNOW! OH GOD ITS SOOOO SCARY!!!"

now you're me.

imagine shaking your head in disapproval of aurelius' new habit, having just quit the deathsticks yourself. now you're me.

imagine that you're really tired of people asking you what you want to do with the rest of your life, and you cant tell them the truth. because it sounds really weird when somebody says "I want to get laid a bunch and see the world for a while", so you have to settle for "community college". you look down and tug at yourself, and think "am i gettin a bit doughy? id better start running again." now yer me

imagine your body is aching from bowling and drinking for five hours, and your wearing brand new crispy fresh clothes, thinking about wheather to tackle house of leaves or f and r first as they both sit in front of you unopened and lonely, you are enjoying the incest survivor episode of curb your enthusiasm, and waiting for your friend to get back from dinner so you can go see lxg tonight, youve just tried to register for classes online, but the site was fucked up, so youll try again tommorrow, your brother and best friend is going to be away for two more weeks and already you miss his company and his cd collection he took with him. you want to walk the dog and have a ciggarrette while you break in your new clothes, and you cant tell if you're hungry or not. now you're me.

imagine you just got AP test results, and have been awarded sixteen credits, plus you dont have to take historical perspectives. now you're me

imagine you're done and going to bed. you aint me, and you never could be

imagine you threw out the disc your screenplay was on, in an incredibly ill-advised freak out, and you cant believe all that time was wiped out in a single act of insanity. now you're me.

alex, turns out im actually you most of the time lately.

imagine you've just returned from walking metz through the deserted streets in the middle of the night. and you decided to take him to your old high school and show him around, only there was a shitload of construction and everything looked different. the building was locked up tight, so you just peered through a window into a classroom and saw about ten people in a dark room sitting in a circle, and you jumped back from the glass, sufficiently freaked out of your head, until you realized they're just cpr dummies. the track was unlocked though, so you ran a little with the mutt.

on your way home a truck bombed down the residential street at about fifty, and (i swear to fucking god) actually grazed your arm with the side mirror, spinning you around, you watch it bomb down the street before you, swerving, unable to move, waiting for your heart to start beating again. now you're me.