Random Image
New Forum Topics
Latest Interviews
Clark Gregg
by Dennis Widmyer
Amy Hempel
by Rob Hart
Christa Faust
by Rob Hart
Ed Brubaker
by Garrett Faber
Our Social Networks
The New "Actual Conversations" Thread
... because, as usual, the last one has become wayyy too long.
At dinner with Jack:
Jack: Oh, did I tell you there's a midget in my poetry seminar?
Phil: Cool. Did you make small talk with her?
Jack: For a while, yes, but little by little I grew annoyed because she reached the height of arrogance.
Phil: Oh dear. Did you have to cut the conversation short, then?
Jack: Yes. She just seemed to need to dwarf all my opinions.
Phil: I heard a midget is born every minute.
Did you actually pronounce minute to suit the pun?
6th Grader: Mr G, is it true that Sarah Palin wants to kill all the polar bears?
Me: Well--
Different Sixth Grader: Oh my God! She does?
Me: Well, I think what's actually happening is--
(drowned out by general panic of sixth grade girls concerned about the polar bears. Eventually:)
6th grader: Is Sarah Palin stupid?
Me: Watch the debates tonight.
It's a God-awful small affair to the girl with the mousy hair...
all midgets are female.
elsewise, you talk about middle earth and what not.
Me: Have you seen my stick?
Boss: I think Robyn had her hands around it about 5 minutes ago.
Me: That's what I like to hear.
Boss: Hey now Tiger, keep it clean.
Me: I'm just saying, she's on the ball.
Boss: Come on, dude.
Me: I'm finished.
Boss: Way too much information.
Brother: Did you bring your house keys?
Me: No, I went out and came home with you, I knew you had keys so why bother.
Brother: What if I died before you got home?
Me: I'd still take your keys.
Brother: What if there was a gas explosion and my keys were melted?
Me: I'd walk home, go into the garage, and get the spare key.
Brother: What if you got home and there had been a gas explosion, localised in the garage, that destroyed the spare key?
Me: I'd call Mum, tell her about the two gas explosions and her dead son, and ask if she could come home to let me in.
Brother: What if Mum had been in a gas explosion...
This continued for a while. My brother is turning 21 next week, by the way.
i don't know if i'd call this an actual "conversation" but anyways. i was at the Speedway yesterday getting a drink and there were two black guys standing in line in front of me. So the line empties out but they don't move up so I figure they aren't in line and are just there chit-chatting about twinkies or something and go around them to the counter. they then move up real quick like behind me back in line and i see this so i turn around and say "I'm sorry were you guys in line?" and let them go ahead of me. I'm thinking of course how awesome and nice I am to allow them back in their spot and the one of them goes "Yeah we were, thanks." and the other one kind of mumbles under his breath "Yeah, you did cut in line and all." It was just seeping with that kind of "i dare you to say something back" kind of vibe. So i get peeved and tell him "to stop fiddlin' around and move up the line next time." that seemed to shut him up.
ooooooo i bet I was getting called all kinds of names once they were out of earshot.
in the heat of burning air to watch the naked famele body is insane,
her: would you like to meet me for lunch?
me: sure, where are you?
her: o'briens, about a block from school.
me: i can probably do that. what brought you that way?
her: finishing up registration and shopping.
me: you know, i think im going to not go to lunch. i just ate and im almost home.
her: okay...
me: sorry, it just doesnt make sense.
when anyone asks me to do anything, my knee-jerk reaction is to agree.
Garrick: They were doing some Commie BS with Gwynyth's school supplies last year, too.
Jane: What do you mean?
Shana: They confiscated all of them in the first day of school and divided them evenly out among the kids. So Gwynyth had all these personalized pencils with her name on them that everyone got to use.
Gwynyth: BUT! I hid some of them in the back of my desk when she was taking all the supplies away. So I got to keep some of my nice personalized pencils to myself.
Jane: That's pretty much why Communism doesn't work, too.
In English, when we say: "It is raining"
What the fuck is IT? Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat afraid that IT has found me.
Ha! As much as that is BS, just the concept of it is hilarious to me. Those kids, years from now, every time they look at a pencil will think it doesn't look right because it doesn't have her name on it!!
in the heat of burning air to watch the naked famele body is insane,
her: would you like to meet me for lunch?
me: sure, where are you?
her: o'briens, about a block from school.
me: i can probably do that. what brought you that way?
her: finishing up registration and shopping.
me: you know, i think im going to not go to lunch. i just ate and im almost home.
her: okay...
me: sorry, it just doesnt make sense.
I want updates, and you're not allowed near my cousin.
reid: you're not ugly -_-
reid: you are beautiful
reid: you've got rockin' tits..and amazing hair
me: HAHAHA REID SHUT UP.
me: i like my hair.
reid: IM SERIOUS
reid: i do to
reid: and your boobs
reid: i like them
reid: <3
me: -___- from you, i will take that as a compliment.
reid: you should
me: from other dudes, i will take that as pervy.
reid: if i compliment your boobs..its good
reid: because some boobs are just "eh"
i guess i have great best friends.
Get a spark in that head of yours, and don't let anyone blow it out.
reid: you're not ugly -_-
reid: you are beautiful
reid: you've got rockin' tits..and amazing hair
me: HAHAHA REID SHUT UP.
me: i like my hair.
reid: IM SERIOUS
reid: i do to
reid: and your boobs
reid: i like them
reid: <3
me: -___- from you, i will take that as a compliment.
reid: you should
me: from other dudes, i will take that as pervy.
reid: if i compliment your boobs..its good
reid: because some boobs are just "eh"
i guess i have great best friends.
pix or it didn't blah blah.
Lady: What's wrong with your forehead?
Me: Hm?
Lady: You have a big bump on your forehead, did you hit your head on something?
Me: No, that's just the shape of my head.
Lady: It looks painful.
Me: It's not.
Self-confidence:
It's a God-awful small affair to the girl with the mousy hair...
Early morning. A plump girl working the till, eyelids sagging down, raising a cup of coffee to her mouth whenever she thinks a customer isn't looking. I stroll in, scratch my neck, remember the purpose of my visit.
Me: Pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky.
Her: Here you go.
*Hands me pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky*
Me: What's this shit? I asked for a kitkat.
My friend has fetal alchohol syndrome, so he's a little bit, you know...duh*#%ish. This is a phone conversation we had.
him: Did I ever tell you? Your sister's hot yo! She's fuckin' ba-
(I hang up)
(He calls back)
him: hey, I think something happened with my phone. I lost you...Anyway, your sister's fuckin' BANGIN'! You know-
(I hang up)
(He calls back)
him: Shit, it happened again. My phone sucks. What was I saying? Oh yeah, your sister! Dude!
(I hang up)
(He calls back)
Early morning. A plump girl working the till, eyelids sagging down, raising a cup of coffee to her mouth whenever she thinks a customer isn't looking. I stroll in, scratch my neck, remember the purpose of my visit.
Me: Pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky.
Her: Here you go.
*Hands me pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky*
Me: What's this shit? I asked for a kitkat.
It will make my day if this really happened. Which I'm going to choose to believe it did.
If you post another conversation between you and that guy I'm going to punch you in the mouth.
I take back everything I've ever said that ever annoyed you, including this post.
I'll have your babies someday, I don't even need to see your face.
[ejrathke] 4:59 am: BUKOWSKI SLEEP KARATE
Early morning. A plump girl working the till, eyelids sagging down, raising a cup of coffee to her mouth whenever she thinks a customer isn't looking. I stroll in, scratch my neck, remember the purpose of my visit.
Me: Pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky.
Her: Here you go.
*Hands me pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky*
Me: What's this shit? I asked for a kitkat.[/quote
BADUM-chi.
[ejrathke] 4:59 am: BUKOWSKI SLEEP KARATE
Early morning. A plump girl working the till, eyelids sagging down, raising a cup of coffee to her mouth whenever she thinks a customer isn't looking. I stroll in, scratch my neck, remember the purpose of my visit.
Me: Pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky.
Her: Here you go.
*Hands me pack of twenty and a kitkat chunky*
Me: What's this shit? I asked for a kitkat.
It will make my day if this really happened. Which I'm going to choose to believe it did.
i don't think i get this. is it because he really did ask for a kitkat chunky to begin with?
in the heat of burning air to watch the naked famele body is insane,
<~~ Not a KitKat!
No wait. What the hell is a pack of 20?
"Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time. It's only a natural feeling." - Haruki Murakami (Kafka On The Shore)
AHA!
Now I know that conversation is fake! Why the hell would they keep KitKats behind the counter with cigarettes?
"Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time. It's only a natural feeling." - Haruki Murakami (Kafka On The Shore)
Copyright 2008 - A Writers Cult, LLC
Joined: 2005-04-26
From: David Lee Roth's side project, Stinky Finger Buddies!