And like that, POOF. They're gone!
Okay, so my roommate Keri and I have been in San Francisco (well, a town right over the bridge, Berkeley) for the past few weeks, gardening. Doing this, because through the WWOOF program, if we grow some shit, we get to stay for free. In a shack, though, but it's still pretty awesome. Or rather, it was, until we realized that we're pretty much done here and should probably start to somewhat drive back home.
Now, we've come across a dilemma that's going to require some ninja shit. We're supposed to be paying for the food they let us eat, but they're all so fucking nice around here, none of them have asked us for it yet. Which is good, because we really don't want to give them what little money we have left. As such, tonight, we're gonna escape. FLEE THE SCENE LIKE MUTHAFUCKIN' BATMAN AND SHIT.
But I got to thinking, 'You know, you're a person with morals, somewhat. You don't ACTUALLY want to fuck these people over, do you?' And I realized that yes, I am a nice guy. So instead of ditching in the middle of the night, maybe instead we should stage some kind of scene. Something where we get to save face, but also not pay them. Win-Win all around.
So who better to involve in my tales of sabotage than you guys? Help me figure out an elaborate plan to ditch these hippies, but also not make them cry in the process. What would you do, the Cult? How would you see yourself out of this pickle?
Weren't you just saying how people who feel bad for others have things to prove? It's a dog fuck dog world. Rabbit hole the fuck on outta there if you're so inclined to.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST TALE EVER TOLD EVER.
Two blondes walked into a train track. Between the two of them, you'd think they'd--
grandma with cancer, you have to get back home right now!
Someone there, you dont know who, and don't want to point fingers and create drama, robbed you. You don't want to investigate or accuse anyone, but you're not comfortable anymore staying there, so you're leaving.
Wait, you don't want to soften the betrayal. You want to see them absorb it, up close. You sicky.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST TALE EVER TOLD EVER.
Two blondes walked into a train track. Between the two of them, you'd think they'd--
oh, he's pulled the grandma-with-cancer card. aww, shit.
i have to agree though. seriously, something to that effect. it's a white lie. you'r in n position, i'm assuming, to give away your last few bucks. and if that is the case then i say you deerve to leave without paying. besides, they offered the shit. on the other and, if you're just being selfish and you can actually afford to give them some cash then, that's just kind of shitty, cause after all, they let you live there for free. but then, if they were stupid enough to make such a deal then theykind of deserve to get bailed on. so much to consider.
me? in all honesty, i'd probably bail. i'd feel guilty, but when i was buying bread wiht that last few bucks, i'd smile because i would knowi was ging to go home and butter that bread with some guilt jam and eat the fuck out of it.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
Wait, you don't want to soften the betrayal. You want to see them absorb it, up close. You sicky.
Yeah, what Ritt said. I don't want excuses. I crave action! Adventure! Pwnage.
And yeah, I personally have about like twelve bucks left to my name. Keri has a bit more - enough to get us back to New York - but that obviously means that we have nothing to give them. Besides, we didn't eat THAT much, and what they're asking is a bit steep. So fuck 'em. They're not gonna suffer.
We're gonna ditch one way or another, it's just whether or not we put on a show, first.
how can they posible have steep prices for feed but give away a place to sleep. these fucing hippies don't sound like hippies a all. i say fuck with them. do the rabbit-hole thing. split. and i don't now, un-do all the gardening you did or something.
you play in a band, right? why don't you busk for some cash or something? i honestly, spent abot a year unemployed only busking for all my money. it sucked. sometimes i didn't eat.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
Someone there, you dont know who, and don't want to point fingers and create drama, robbed you. You don't want to investigate or accuse anyone, but you're not comfortable anymore staying there, so you're leaving.
This, but on a note posted on someone of authority's wall. This allows for you to both sneak away in the middle of the night and soften the blow a bit.
I was going to do the WWOOF thing a couple years ago, and I know a few people that partake, but I didn't get around to it.
"Less chatter more take camera and make with the clicky clicky. The anticipation is ripping my heart to shreds." -- Fano, Dress Down
Really, we just wanted to go to California. Fuck farming.
Oh, or your woman friend can sneak out in the middle of the night, and the next day you can flip out and say she left with your money, and has anyone seen her. But make sure she casually makes a comment to someone the night before she disappears that she's thinking about going to visit her family or something in Portland or LA or somewhere other than where you guys are heading.
"Less chatter more take camera and make with the clicky clicky. The anticipation is ripping my heart to shreds." -- Fano, Dress Down
you play in a band, right? why don't you busk for some cash or something? i honestly, spent abot a year unemployed only busking for all my money. it sucked. sometimes i didn't eat.
But I'm the bassist! How's that gonna work out?
sneak out in the middle of the night like you were planning but steal all the commodes in the place as well. You'll probably need a 9/16ths wrench.
Oh, or your woman friend can sneak out in the middle of the night, and the next day you can flip out and say she left with your money, and has anyone seen her. But make sure she casually makes a comment to someone the night before she disappears that she's thinking about going to visit her family or something in Portland or LA or somewhere other than where you guys are heading.
We're thinking, maybe we go to the city tonight and only I come back, and the next morning, I'm all like, "HOLY SHIT, she left with that one dude and I thought all was well, but now she's ARRESTED! Sorry guys, gotta bail her out!"
surely you know a bit of guitar?
any other instruments? if not it's not the end of the world, just play some funky ass shit and it'll be sweet.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
I play the drums! But I don't have any.
And no, I've actually never picked up a guitar in my life, as far as I can remember. The problem with bass, though, is that it's not loud enough for anyone else to hear unless I plug it in. Which I can't, 'cause I didn't bring an amp.
use your last twelve bucks to buy one of thoe portable marshall amps. problem solved, man.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
EDIT: deja vu.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
Tell them you got your roomie pregnant and go into detail about how this is such a bad time because you both are flat broke. Then explain how you went on the trip because you were told everything was free, and needed to get away from your family drama (grandma's recent passing, parent's divorce, ect.). Finally, begin to cry.
I like Tobii's idea, although it's kind of low-drama. But it explains both your abrupt departure and the fact that you don't have cash to pony up.
MEANWHILE. You are free to eat my foods but you'd better have something to give me in return. I am of course talking about sex. From Keri. She's pretty.
Fuck your face off, Paula Deen's coming on.
--Alecia
I would like to have sex with Keri plx too k thnx.
"Less chatter more take camera and make with the clicky clicky. The anticipation is ripping my heart to shreds." -- Fano, Dress Down
Aww, you guys. I'll let her know. Jane, you can have her just like that, but Cassun, you only get some if we get to star in your movies when you're a big-time director.
Give me a call when you have specific dates and stuff, okay? And I'll try to make sure my house is not one big pile of dirty dishes.
Fuck your face off, Paula Deen's coming on.
--Alecia
And no, I've actually never picked up a guitar in my life, as far as I can remember.
\
LIAR!
...oh wait, there's a question mark. Clearly you don't know what you're holding...
Also, I would think you could find some cheap yuppie looking clothes and then in the morning, come out dressed in shirts and ties and tell them you're secretly republicans sent to infiltrate their carefree sodomite lifestyles and report back to Glenn Beck.
"To fail to embrace my dreams now would be a disgrace so great that sin itself would not be able to find a name for it." - Werner Herzog
That's a... nvm.
Is that bass Vitaly? Are you upset coz noone pays attention?
Aww, you guys. I'll let her know. Jane, you can have her just like that, but Cassun, you only get some if we get to star in your movies when you're a big-time director.
What if I let you star in a movie when I'm not quite yet a big time director?
"Less chatter more take camera and make with the clicky clicky. The anticipation is ripping my heart to shreds." -- Fano, Dress Down
4 string guitar. I got me one of them.
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
I was going to say... I thinks that be a bass, but I've been beaten to it.
(grey pistol black pistol hungry little knife)
(everything I carry in the back of my mind)
The proper name is bass guitar!
Next thing you're going to tell me is that the piano isn't a percussion instrument...
"To fail to embrace my dreams now would be a disgrace so great that sin itself would not be able to find a name for it." - Werner Herzog
What if I let you star in a movie when I'm not quite yet a big time director?
Yeah, that works.
The proper name is bass guitar!
Next thing you're going to tell me is that the piano isn't a percussion instrument...
SEMANTICS.
I am not an anti-semant!
"To fail to embrace my dreams now would be a disgrace so great that sin itself would not be able to find a name for it." - Werner Herzog
Here's what you do. You kill a chicken, cut off its head and place it in your bed. You draw things with its blood on the walls, and stick feathers in the unlikeliest places. Then you bail.
When they wake up and see the mess, they'll assume you were satanists and they'll be happen you're gone.
Spartan art is the real made hysterical.
can't wait to hear what he actually chose to do. we should be finding out soon.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
Things are in motion. Should be good.
You sneaky bastard!
og eg kan vel ikkje berre vere ingen stad heller -
and I can't just be nowhere either
so, spill. what is the plan?
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
I'm gonna set the roof on fire and watch that motherfucker burn.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
but seriously, what did you decide to do, man? this was a serious situation, no? and you are there now, right?
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
Go around and slit all the hippies throats in their sleep.
You can't hurt their feeling by leaving if they never wake up.
"It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities."
at least burning down the house gives them a chance at escape and therefore giving them a chance to change their evil and seductive ways.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
They faked their deaths.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST TALE EVER TOLD EVER.
Two blondes walked into a train track. Between the two of them, you'd think they'd--
this would have been more apt:
4 string guitar. I got me one of them.
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
how many?? you can't do that.
damn it. and i thought i was being witty via posting a youtube video.
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
4 string guitar. I got me one of them.
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
how many?? you can't do that.
What?
But it doesn't matter, no one's going to notice anyway.
You should be honest...
Tell them you got robbed by the jonas brothers.
You should be honest...
honesty is a shit policy.
soooooo...what did you actualy do, man? don't tell me you tried to escape and we're all gonna have to come and save you becauuse they've got yu tied up in some freaky torture basement and plan to use you as mulch for there fucking lame garden?
"Matt, you pretty much just SLAMMED your square ass right in this round hole. You've officially fit in." - Six On The Dot
P.S. Jane. Get ready. SOON.