Boots!

 The key to being a successful badass big shot writer, like me, is having a nice pair of boots.  Now I've already had some really nice boots for a really long time, but yesterday--in order to become an even bigger big shot--I got some new boots.  If you see me anytime soon, you'll probably see the boots--unless it's sunday morning and I'm hungover, then you'll see my flipflops.  When you DO see me, IF i'm wearing the boots (or even if not), be sure to compliment me and my boots.  They really are amazing, and you'll be amazing just by having seen them and commented on them.  You see, the thing about these boots is that, well...they're like cowboy boots, except better.  First of all, they were hand made in italy.  Second, they're very pointy.  And third, they have a zipper.  THAT'S RIGHT LADIES, a FUCKING ZIPPER!  so...ya know...if I'm ever over at your place late one night, and you hear "zip-zip-zip-thud-thud-swoosh" that means you're about the get LOVED ON by the fuckin' BOOT MASTER!