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The Particle Accelerator
The following is a response to http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/29/science/29collider.html?_r=1&ref=science&oref=slogin
Particle Accelerator
There are poets passing for scientists.
They built this thing that slams tiny particles together near the speed of light;
It’s supposed to reproduce the universe in its first second of creation
13.5 billion years ago, give or take 5 billion years.
Not bad on a timeline of infinite.
Anyway, these poets, they want to look the God they don’t believe in
Square in the eye so they could say: Oh
So this is what you had in mind?
Then they could peer into God’s static soul
And see what we’re made of.
But some say there might be a problem.
They say that that act of recreation might be an act
of final destruction.
They say that the moment we create the universe a
Black hole could open up and swallow earth in an instant
And we could all together meet the Creator.
It’s pretty much how I figured it, but I can’t quite figure out
What’s the problem?
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I don't know what I think about this yet. I would definitely appreciate some feedback. Thanks!
- whatthebillyo@yahoo.com's blog
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Copyright 2008 - A Writers Cult, LLC
I like it and can't seem to express as to why. The last stanza is killer.
Cool, glad you liked it. I realized after I wrote it that it said alot of things at once, which happened almost accidentally but added depth.
I was wondering if I should make things more visceral (Open up and pull us, screaming strands of spaghetti, into its hungry belly), but to do that makes the piece more existential and takes away from "the fulfillment of the prophecy" effect. What I mean is, the scientists could cause ultimate destruction by opening the black hole, but they, atheists that they are, think they all of mankind will one day end. On the other hand, Christians think that they will meet God on the other side, so what if the portal opens up now?
i like this line:
Anyway, these poets, they want to look the God they don’t believe in
Square in the eye so they could say: Oh
So this is what you had in mind?
The irony of addressing a god they don't believe in is effective. Also, i think the piece is right as it is. there is no need to add any more descriptors. less is more, cliche i know but it does work especially in this sense. what threw me off somewhat was this line:
They built this thing that slams tiny particles together near the speed of light;
The use of the word thing felt non-committal, if that makes sense though i can't offer a better word to substitute.
Behemoth?
Damien,
Thanks alot for the feedback! I know what you're talking about with the word "thing"; noncomittal could be the poem's theme. I too can't think of a better substitute.
Nathaniel,
I don't know what you're getting at
no problem, bill. noncommittal would be an appropriate theme given the uncertainty of the situation in your poem.
thanks, nate. "behemoth" is close but it doesn't roll off the line as fluidly as i think it could. i know this is in free verse but there still needs to be some rhythm to it so the reader can get the idea without being distracted by awkward pauses.
I think Behemoth is best there for one, you got the alliterative with "built" and it also gives you a nice contrast with the "tiny particles." Plus it changes it from an inanimate "thing" to something that almost seems like an alive monster.
To me is sounds like they are saying: "Hey, I have this thing and we have no idea what it can do but we want to try it anyway and maybe something good will come out of it."
When the universe began it existed as matter no bigger than a single atom that at first imploded in on itself, and than exploded outward for 13.5 billion years give or take 5 billion years, and continues on right now and speeds out into the future and space at the same time. The acceleration of particles into each other to re-create an entire universe is constantly happening with matter exchanging it's form for energy. The reason we don't see the re-creation is that time is part of the equation and the closer the particles come toward each other in bombardment , the slower time moves. We exist in the creative time of this present universe and it seem like it is taking so God damn long to get to eternity right now. How in the world can we ever be patient enough to watch a new particle implode, explode, expand and create super novas, gas giants, gallaxies and star dust? We prolly have to have the patience of God.